Mentoring

Mentoring boys, guys, dudes, buddies and men.

Mentoring has documented positive effects on at-risk children. Boys who are mentored are more likely to stay in school and make academic gains, and less likely to be promiscuous, use drugs or engage in a violent act, according to a study conducted by the University of Texas. Becoming a successful mentor is one of the most positive things you can do to help a child, and subsequently, society. To make the most of your mentoring opportunity, be committed to forming a positive relationship with the child, however difficult that may initially prove to be.

Be Reliable

Many kids have a series of disappointments in their lives. Parents may be absent from the home due to abandonment or incarceration. Siblings may have been separated from the family. Some children’s basic needs are not met on a consistent basis. Ensure that you do not become part of the disappointment that many boys in mentoring programs have come to expect; honor your contract with the mentoring agency and hang in there when things get tough. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. If you make arrangements to take your mentee to a concert, don’t let him down. You’ll make the biggest impact if you become a trustworthy adult whom he can count on in his life. You may be the only such role model he has.

Set Boundaries

Many children in mentoring programs have grown up in homes where inconsistent limits have been set and enforced. This results in a child not knowing what behavior is acceptable at any given time. Kids need limits and feel more secure when they have them, sometimes acting in such a manner as to force adults to set limits. Tell your mentee what your limits are and the consequences for disregarding them. Expect the boy you are mentoring to push your limits until he crosses a line. Once that happens, enforce the consequence you have set. Once you have done this, he will feel more comfortable with you, as he will know what to expect and can better rein in his own behavior.

Be Safe

Many boys in mentoring programs have been victims of abuse. In fact, up to 10 percent of men report having been sexually abused or assaulted when they were children, according to Dr. Emily M. Douglas, Ph.D. As such, some boys may not observe proper sexual boundaries. Protect yourself from improper advances or an accusation of sexual impropriety by meeting the boy you are mentoring in a public place. If you must have your mentee in your vehicle, have a third party ride with you whenever possible.

Use Community Resources

As an adult who is familiar with resources that are available in the community, you’ll be able to help the boy you are mentoring in many ways. Many boys who are in mentoring programs have learning disabilities, family problems and financial issues. You can find academic assistance and counseling, and help the family tap into social programs that can lend a hand with housing and other basic needs. While a mentor alone can be influential in a boy’s life, a team of individuals working together can make an enormous difference.

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